I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
