I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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