I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
