Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
