my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
