you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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