I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
