All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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