Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
