Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
