dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
