had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
