So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
