did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
