i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
