Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
