I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
