You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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