Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
