girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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