Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
