Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
