So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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