I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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