i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
