He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
