I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
