they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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