Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
