I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
