It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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