I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, he came in my armpit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
