everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
