it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
