i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
