It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
