You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
