honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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