smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I could fuck to npr.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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