Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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