I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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