I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
