No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A+ Viking dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
