So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
