Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
