felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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