You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
love makes seman taste better
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
