yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
