8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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