Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
