do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
