i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Naked Twister starts at high noon
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
